By evening, Tucker Snarlson had put his sights on the lioness Mika and her lackey Joe.  Snarlson began in calm measured tones about second amendment freedoms.  He spent time thanking God that men like Lord Caligula had spent their life making second amendment freedoms real.  Still more, men like his Lordship, thanks to the wisdom of our founding fathers, could earn a living helping threatened citizens defend themselves through the purchase of apt Arms, yet another Triumph of Capitalism.

Across the room, I heard Bart and Fielding howling their agreement.  When Chicago made a face that implied contempt for Snarlson’s message, Fielding jumped on his sissy rump and gave him a lesson on how Mollys schooled wimp Toms.  Chicago squeaked his apologies to her.  “Every cat has a right to a vast arsenal of Arms to protect his holdings,” screeched Fielding.  Fielding warned Chicago, “Don’t count on mike’s protection.  Neither Bart nor I can so much as talk him into shooting the neighbour’s dogs.  And never forget the day an insolent coyote scampered along the top of our backyard’s fence.  Instead of killing him, mike, like the worthless sheriff in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence, let him escape. After that dereliction of duty,” Fielding confessed, “I hid under the sofa in disgusted shame.”

As Snarlson moved to speaking about the role of Arms in the preservation of a society that is a paradise for white men, he explained why an abundance of guns and bombs were needed at the border.

“Even now,” he snarled, “invaders from south of the border sneak into our country without consequence to take our jobs, our women, and, yes, our beloved country from us.” 

Snarlson then began to laud Prez candidate Trump for his proposal to build a beautiful wall.  While picturing a wall, Bart and Fielding began to purr. Then Quine asked, “What wall?”  From chats with Bart, I knew she pictured a slab of stainless steel with a top edge sharper than a straight razor.  In her mind’s eye, the wall’s foundation jutted a good 50 feet into the ground. Her wall dwarfed China’s Great Wall.

On our country’s side of the wall, Bart pictured mines and pill boxes with .50 Cals that would sweep killing of anybody stupid enough to attempt a crossing.  She liked the idea of having moats with piranha and ravening African crocodiles of immense length as a further deterrent.

When mike had the chutzpah to challenge the feasibility and sanity of the border wall, Bart stalked hissing out of the room.  Mr Trump had promised the wall was a doable project that would be big and beautiful and paid for by the Mexicans.

At that idea, mike suggested Trump could propose Wall Bonds.  DT’s fans could prefinance the wall and include a big interest rate on Wall Bonds. The Mexican would pay it all off once Trump was in office and threatening with nuclear weapons.

But to return to Mika v. Snarlson, their brouhaha amused Lord Caligula.  At his command, one of his army of solicitors drafted a letter within a day of their spat describing his Lordship’s “sadness” that Mika has chosen to construe anything he uttered as a sign of heartlessness.  Nobody loved peace more than his Lordship; however, the solicitor finished up with an ancient trope, writing, “Si vis pacem, para bellum.” (For readers whose education was totally neglected, the Latin means, “If you want peace, prepare for war.”)  

At the letter’s end, Lord Caligula scribbled a PS in his own hand.  It read: “It is unbecoming for an older delectable woman to spoil her face with anger.” Nor did he stop there. “Do know that even in anger, your body is just scrumptious.” One should offer older women encouragement to groom well. His Lordship then superadded a series of “hugs and kisses” marks. I heard that Snarlson also got a solicitor’s note telling him that Lord Caligula had no need of underlings to defend him.