Perhaps the day after Constance lost her temper, Wolverine and I were playing chess on Zoom.  I was playing the Colle System and losing.  But let’s be honest.  It has never mattered what openings or defences I played.  I always lost. 

As Wolverine marched towards his inevitable victory, I heard his den door open.  His butler Mr Jade, ushered in none other than the fat man Uncle Cornpone.  After his butler announced Cornpone, Wolverine swiveled in his chair to gaze at him.  Wolverine made no show of politesse.  Indeed, he blew a stream of Sherman cigarillo smoke at Wolverine, then asked, “What do you want?” 

Wolverine launched into a story about hearing shots on the property.  Wolverine’s glare intensified.  ‘We live in rural Missouri, Cornpone.   Perhaps you’ve noticed around here that people own and shoot guns.”  On the Zoom screen, I saw that Wolverine’s pupils had contracted.

“I was thinking you might let me have a look around to make sure your property is okay,” replied Cornpone.

Wolverine took a bite of pain au chocolat he was having with his morning expresso.  He spoke without concern that he was sending a stream of expresso-soaked croissant flakes at Cornpone.  “I have competent security for my estate.  I don’t need the likes of you waddling about my estate in search of fictitious trouble.  You can be on my property when you have a warrant.”

Cornpone backpedaled.  He had begun to fear that Wolverine would complain to his captain.  “I’m just trying to do my job, Mr Lawless.”

Wolverine, grinning from ear to ear, and sending more smoke towards Cornpone let him know what he could do to be of use.  “If you wish to serve the public, Cornpone, you’ll retire.  Frankly, it’s not even 11 in the morning and you still reek of cheap whisky.  Mr Jade, please show this visitor the way out.” 

Wolverine swung back to the screen.  He looked over the board.  After a few minutes, he called out his move, adding that it was mate in four.  I didn’t see it.  Wolverine explained it to me.  He was right.

We then began to chat when I heard a scratch at my front door.  I grimaced.  I hopped into the window cell.  A stretch limo was in my driveway.  Terrified, I hopped back to my computer.

Wolverine laughed.  “From your look, I know that the care package of trout, salmon, game, cream, caviar, champagne, and Chateau Lafite hasn’t arrived yet, but my mum has.”

It was mate again.  Having no butler, I went to the door and let Constance is.  If you know her, she is radiant after a kill. Close friends know she likes to have the kill’s organ meat, but in world of coppers and busybodies, you sometimes must kill and run. 

As Constance flopped onto a chair in the living room, she surveyed the room.  “Good to see you, Crockett.  I can see Wolverine is paying you peanuts.  When I read the articles in “L’Afrique Aujourd’hui” on Putin and that ridiculous book you made from them, I expected you to have more money.  Writers can’t expect big paydays, but shameless prostitutes of the rich and famous can.”

In my defence, I pointed out that I had to consider the comfort of my servants.  Neither Roberta nor mike were used to wealth.”

Constance started shaking her head.  “Mike, mike. . . Crocky, what were you thinking?  The man’s from a family of Irish wastrels.  And look at all the books in this house.  They litter the house and look read, too.  A lot of its fiction and philosophy. Reading’s a servant’s pastime.  No wonder mike hardly earns a plumber’s wage.  And Roberta is never going to earn real money working at a university.  She doesn’t earn all that much more than if she had entered a convent.”

I had had enough.  I offered her a saucer of milk.

Then the gods rescued me.  A delivery truck from a fancy emporium arrived.  It had the goodies Wolverine bought to enable me to appease his mum.  In fact, Wolverine was thoughtful.  He sent along two caterers to set and serve. 

Constance sprang to her feet and took command.  She directed them to prepare her some caviar, smoked sturgeon, and ice-cold vodka. 

“No champagne,” I asked?

“I’d rather have the champagne in the evening.  Quality vodka is magnificent with smoked fish or a man once you’ve had him.  I like a morning buzz too.” 

I promised Constance I would take her word on that.  The sturgeon and caviar would more than do.

By now, Bart, Fielding, Chicago, and Fielding had all made their way in.  Bart and Fielding frowned.  “What a surprise,” they chimed.  I picked up that neither of them mentioned it be a happy surprise. 

Nobody’s reservations about Constance kept them from joining her very early tea.  Constance drank alone but did not eat alone.  Fielding ate like a dipsomaniac on bender drinks.

After eating and drinking her full, Constance spotted Wolverine on Zoom.  He had never signed off.  He just sat in front of the screen chain-smoking his Shermans and nursing a bottle of Evian. 

Over the to the screen Constance went.  “Mummy thanks you for the goodies, dearest.  You’re sometimes a good boy.  Now mummy is going to hang up and have a chat with Crocky.”  Wolverine began to protest, but she had cut the connection and turned off the computer.”

“Now Crocky, let’s talk about some strange stories about a package that went to Lagos for big money, that got from Lagos to Goma and then on to Moscow.  It had, I’ve heard, a loud arrival in China.  You’re going to tell me a lot more about that because I believe you know.  I also believe you know what I do to liars.”  I noticed that Bart and Fielding had entered the room.  They were exhibiting what I recognized as the body language of predatory violence.