Recall, gentle reader, my astonishment that so many people believe the Queen has died. These dupes believe that if she is indeed dead, she died from something called old age, rather than from an assassination.  Even though I believe Charles would have gone to any length to ascend to the throne, I believe the Queen, like Elvis, lives. Charles got what he wanted, but failed to kill the Queen.

In fact, I believe they now live together.  Despite Charles’s effort to kill her, my sources assure me she used his clumsy attempt on her life as an occasion to move in with the love of her life: Elvis.

Now that she is freed of having to present in public with frumpy clothing and a well-aged bod, the Queen has started a regimen of youthening drugs.  Elvis’s inner-self now knows he looks as he did at 22 thanks to drugs.  The Queen has joined him.  Her drugs are already making her look smoking hot.  Next to the current edition of the Queen, Kim Kardashian is a jalopy of a woman, a fat-rumped woman that men would run over to have a gander at the youthening Queen.  

Few of you know, I gather, that Elvis has spent decades living in secluded mansions in sub saharan Africa.  The moral climate in remote Africa was a better fit for Elvis. For one thing, he still likes to hire ingenues to put on skimpy foundation garments before they  mud wrestle.   

These spectacles get Elvis so hot that develops an insatiable appetite for toasted peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwiches, a delicacy hard to find outside of Mississippi. The Queen is simply mad for them, and enjoys feeding herself and Elvis mouthfuls of them whilst stroking his beautiful hairless pecs.  

Because I have so many contacts, I happen to know the Queen for years has eaten these sandwiches at Balmoral as she mooned over photographs of Elvis in his live-performance duds.  Now they eat them together.  Or so I am told.  I have this from the very best QAnon and Epoch Times sources.

Indeed, I have photographs of them eating toasted peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwiches in tandem too.  My QAnon intentionally made photos appear photoshopped in case they fell into the wrong hands.  If the wrong people saw them, they will disbelieve them rather than recognise their truth. The photoshopped look is mere camouflaging of the truth.   My next favourites show Elvis is making the Queen a true Mississippi lady.  Lizzie is in ecstasy over her transformation into trailer trash.

No wonder she kept a trailer-trash Barbie in a secret room at Windsor.  Barbie stands erect before a trailer.  She holds an open can of PBR in one hand, a Viceroy dangles from her lips.  She is wearing cutoff Levis, and a halter top with a pack of Viceroys rolled up in the left sleeve.  The oeuvre’s caption read, “My daddy is the best kisser in the county.”  In front of Barbie, you can see a naked baby sitting on her barefoot, as the baby clings to Barbie’s calf.  If you press the baby’s head, it will squirt a jet of yellow wee-wee into the air in front of Barbie.  This artist thought of everything. 

Meanwhile, imagine my exasperation at Charles’ duping of the public.  Only yesterday I witnessed a sign from God of this so-called King’s perfidy. 

Charles was trying to sign some rubbish when his pen exploded for no reason whatsoever.  Rather than admitting he was getting a foretaste of God’s judgement, Charles blamed “the stinking pen,” as if the King does not have pens that are the perfection of reliability.  Mark my word, that exploding pen was a miracle of God and a warning to the rest of us.  But do we heed it?  No.  Like sheep we file into the streets of London to witness a counterfeit, overpriced funeral.

I heard, I won’t say where, that the Queen, to cover her escape, had a body double smothered. One must do what one must. The double was put in the coffin to throw. Anything to throw Charles and his murderous lackeys off.  Lizzies won’t to be hunted

So, instead of all this faux grief.  Let us rejoice that Elvis and Lizzie are living young and sexy in secret mansions in equatorial Africa.  Dear Queen Lizzie, happy at last!

PS:  I still think King Charles should pay for his crimes.  Alas, he’s going to get away with it.